Why Is DS9's Gul Dukat Such A Shithead?

Deep Space Nine Boasts One Great Shit For Brains - Cardassian Gul Dukat

Shitheads, hailing from all over our known galactic expanse and beyond, rejoice! One of your stinky brethren stalks the shadowy hallways of a certain strategically situated orbital platform. He’s the one and only Gul Dukat (Marc Alaimo), former Commander of Cardassian space station, Terok Nor, now called Deep Space Nine, currently overseen by the United Federation Of Planets Starfleet under Captain Ben Sisko.

Dukat tries his darned best of the best - as any other dedicated shithead will grudgingly tell you - to get along with everyone, including the stalwart Captain Sisko. Oh he really gives it the old college try and then some. He grits his teeth and steels his ebony eyes and offers the wary Earth man in charge his invaluable, experienced guidance.

In the end, of course, Dukat is still just a simple, silly shithead.

Gul Dukat - Cardassian Shithead

Tell Me, Is There A Shithead Training Academy?

Starfleet churns out highly trained, eager men, women and aliens - and some we’re just not sure about - constantly so they can command warp driven starships, serve aboard space stations and while away the hours on some planetside colony farming, conducting weird, terraforming experiments - we’re looking at YOU DR. CAROL MARCUS - and what not. Yes, the place for the space ace race is learning and graduating from the fabled Starfleet Academy.

Now, what of all these shitheads running around shitting on everything? Where do they get their shitty training from? Who schools them in such demanding shitstorm excellence?

Khan Noonien-Singh, Romulan Commander Tomalak, Klingon Commander Chang, Klingon sisters Lursa and B’Etor, Seska from Voyager - outstanding, infamous shitheads all. So, what do we owe their shit slinging system to what it’s become?

Nature or Nurture? Were they simply born that way, as Lady Gaga tune croons? If not, who’s exactly responsible for their shitty shenanigans? Who do we blame, and who’s ass do we go and kick?

Dukat, as the former boss of DS9, had many an interesting interaction with the subjected Bajoran people. Indeed, his daughter, Ziyal, is the product of a union between her father and a Bajoran woman, who acted as Mr. Shithead’s lover. DS9 fans know what happened to Ziyal, but I won’t spoil it for anyone else. Needless to say, that miserable moment alone gives Gul Dukat Shithead of the Galaxy status.

The Shithead and Ziyal his daughter

So, what’s our potty training educational, shit stained takeaway? We could go on and on about why Gul Dukat operates in this laudable life of ours as a poop wallowing shit for brains. We could go back to the early days to blame his terribly traumatic upbringing. Perhaps we’ll throw in a few choice psychological terms such as borderline personality, sociopath or plain old psycho. It’s all so very medical and clinical. I wonder how Counselor Deanna Troi would diagnose and treat him. In the sad end, however, we all know the type of crap filled, soulless kind of creature Dukat is and will always be. He’s a prime time shithead, and above it all, he’s terminally and gloriously proud of it.