Who Q? Or is it Q-Who? Oh Q, why do you vex us so!? Q! Q! Boo Hoo Hoo!
Q is the definition of a provocateur. His very presence tends to provoke all of us. He knows how to get way down under our skin. And when he’s settled there, nice and comfortable festering under our riled up skin, he pours us a cup of scorching acid disguised as thirst quenching lemonade.
As the very first big bad featured on Star Trek: The Next Generation, the enigmatic alien character whom Picard and crew stumbled upon was designed to rock the Starfleet boat like a tidal wave spinning a surfboard across the spacetime rapids.
Is he really such a bountiful ball buster? Let’s review Q’s hilarious highlights of lowlights.
He put Captain Picard and his bridge crew on trial to answer for the crimes of humanity. He had his court security threaten them with death at the end of a gun barrel. Yes. Just a little adventure, indeed. He gifted Commander Will Riker (Jonathan Frakes) with his own race’s mind blowing powers, an obvious ploy to ensnare Picard’s 2nd in command by corrupting him and degrading his moral fiber. Then there was that little introduction to the cybernetic baddies, the marauding Borg, which completely upended Starfleet, the Federation and the entire Alpha Quadrant.
Not enough of a extraterrestrial douchebag for you so far? Oh, don’t worry, I’ll give you some more to chew on and spit out right on a passing Starship.
He’s Super Alien Intelligence
Q is a super dooper alien intelligence. His IQ rates off the cosmic chart. Even Data has trouble keeping up with his super intelligent cosmic blathering.
Do you have a friend who’s always right? Or at least thinks they’re always right. Yeah, we all do. Of course, those ballsy brainiacs can choose to either throw their superior intellect in our faces or be modest and unassuming. You know, they act normal and like just one of the guys. And then there are those who choose to make us all feel like little dummies.
It’s not that Q is so brainy that he pisses off people, it’s the snobby way he throws around his big, fat brilliant brain. He greets Worf with, “Macrohead, with the microbrain!” He pushes our buttons so intelligently, we can’t help but regret ever meeting the jerk.
He Mocks Starfleet
Q runs around in a Starfleet uniform and he never earned the honor to wear one. Is this as bad as stolen valor? Certainly seems the case, doesn’t it?
When he romps about on Picard’s Enterprise, pays a visit to the populace of Deep Space Nine, or teases and tortures his Kathy Janeway on the USS Voyager, Q dresses up as one of the Starfleet honored, yet he never did the courageous deeds nor took the time to truly call himself a Starfleet professional. It’s an unforgivable bit of naughtiness for many of us who are less than accommodating to a super powered alien firebrand.
Although costumes at Halloween, I suppose many of us can be accused of the same kind of entertaining wardrobe playtime. Anybody dress up as Q? All you’d need is a Starfleet uniform and an attitude.
He’s All Attitude
Speaking of. For some of us, it takes a lot to pronounce someone so irritating, so superior, so gosh darned asinine, we dismiss them as irredeemable. We don’t want to be in the same room as them or even the same galaxy.
Like it’s been said for many a glorious age - it’s not what ya say, it’s all in how ya say it. Q takes the acid tongued cake for saying both the wrong things in the wrong way and usually at the wrong time.
Red Alert!
Guinan Hates Him
Ten Forward is the Enterprise D’s watering hole and this atmospheric lounge is operated by one sharp cookie. Guinan, as an El-Aurian, is a listener. Combine that with her straightforward no nonsense personality and she’s one dependable reader of people - or in this case entity - and so we trust her judgement when it comes to feeling folk out.
In the case of Q, there’s definitely some history between the flamboyant two. We still don’t know what that is, but since John De Lancie is reprising his role in Star Trek: Picard, we may find out soon enough. For now, Guinan thinks Q is a big smelly asshole, and she’s undoubtedly correct.
Yes, Q is an award winning jackass. He’s conceited, sarcastic and so woefully impatient in his dealings with humans - and undoubtedly with all other lifeforms - that his dedicated fan club would never even fill up a shuttlepod. He’s all these things, however, he’s also never boring. When he’s around, a starship crew can pass on their holodeck time for the week - Q’s unparalleled entertainment is lively and unpredictable. He simply makes things fun.
Q is a super charged, super genius level force of nature and he can never ever be beaten - at least without clearly defined rules of the game he’s playing. Ultimately, perhaps this is why some can’t abide him. He’s a dynamic, living unbalanced equation - a cosmic powered Kobayashi Maru which must be massaged and dealt with using the sharpest of our human logic and potential, or you’ll wind up assimilated or worse. And for all those reasons, my sadistically savvy Q, I completely love you.
Q, and John Delancie, are brilliant. Love Q. How they evolved his character and his arc through Voyager was fantastic.