Penis Trek: How Sci-Fi Movies Feature The Male Member
A Phallic Symbol Makes A Jedi Lightsaber Blaze With Penis Power
And you people, you’re all astronauts…. on some kind of Penis Trek.
Zephram Cochrane, watch your mouth! So naughty! No, that’s not the actual Star Trek: First Contact line, of course, but judging from many sci-fi films, it may as well be. Humor at the expense of the poor, lowly penis - who always manages to somehow rise above - may not be commonplace in science fiction or fantasy films, but if you look for it, my tricky dicky wrangler, you can indeed find it.
O yes, my ponderous, yet powerfully proud Penis Trekker, the trek is definitely now on and the rod hunt has begun. It’s as simple as they say: Seek and ye shall find. Dick jokes are plentiful everywhere in the galaxy, but when it comes to sci-fi, the tickle of the main pickle is always quite entertaining.
Spaceballs
Plasma Penis Power! Dueling Dicks! Spaceballs is never subtle about its crazy cock clashing and always it’s more than hilarious.
Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) and Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) face off armed with their trusty light swords, plasma pricks, laser sabers, whatever - just don’t ever call em shhhhh lightsaber, we don’t want a lawsuit!
Cockfighting high tech style? You’ll have to watch to fully appreciate this dearly cocked up clash.
Austin Powers
Yeah, baby yeah! Do I make you horny? Randy!? Shagadelic, baby!
We know Mister Powers exists as one of the horniest spies around. And he’s never above a little dicking about in terms of comedy.
In the original Powers power trip, awesome Austin battles Dr. Evil (Mike Meyers) who uses a penis shaped rocket to further his dastardly plans. Apparently, Amazonian Jeff Bezos is an admirer of the infamous Doc Evil, since his own real life rocket, Blue Origin, more than resembled the villainous rocket man’s ship.
Young Frankenstein
Schwanzstucker. Yep. That’s all you really gotta know
After that, it’s all basically the best monster movie horror parody ever produced. Mel Brooks and star Gene Wilder - who also co-wrote the wacky script - gave us a film which not only honors the classic 1931 Universal Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff, but makes up its own mythos and its own dick jokes.
So, what exactly is a schwanzstucker? Simply watch the movie to learn all about its fantastic fascination. Let’s put it this way, the monster may have limitations in some ways, but in the lovemaking equipment department, he’s able bodied and then some.
RoboCop
Robo loves to use that dead on target gun - even if it means shooting a guy’s balls off. In this case, he loves shooting off that gun especially because it shoots this guy’s balls off.
RoboCop helps a woman who’s being sexually assaulted. His remedy? Shoot a guy’s dick and balls off so he can’t ever properly sexually molest anyone ever again. Gee, Robo operates like some philosophical counselor and homeopathic healer while also always acting as a badass cybernetic cop. Go Robo!
Ghostbusters
We ain’t afraid of no ghost! How about dickless guys? Dickless wonders, unite! No doubt you’ll be led around by the guy in the clip. Watch the wang gang and chuckle about it all day.
E.T. The Extraterrestrial
Elliot and E.T. are BFF’s. After Elliot first spots the little left behind alien, he shares the incident with his supportive family. Sadly, nobody is buying it, least of all his domineering older brother. “Penis breath!” screams Elliot at his older brother during a dinnertime debate.
Ah, aren’t family gatherings when discussing alien contact truly joyful and harmonious?
Deadpool
The movie poster sports him with a gun between his legs. Pee Pee Pistol?
Nuff said?
Not subtle at all, but if you’re a fan of Deadpool, you know the guy could never be subtle even if he had a gun pointed to his own head or groin or wherever, which happens basically in his life every hour on the hour.
Honourable mention to the rocket of Flesh Gordon! https://www.flickr.com/photos/22466935@N08/6262676888